Taking Care of Elders & Working Overtime
By Judith B. Uthus, Community Relations, West Hills Retirement Center
In most families there comes a time when someone you love cannot live independently. They will need your support in helping to find the proper care. As with a successful business, pre-planning and preparation is the key to obtaining the proper support your family will need. Understanding the elements of aging care can help you help someone you love while still successfully managing your business.

Signs of Change
Except in cases where a medical condition dramatically changes an individual’s health overnight (stroke or fall, for example,) there will be increasing signs that a person is no longer safe and independent in his or her home. Recognizing these signs and acting upon them can prevent an elderly family member from suffering a physically irreversible accident or needing expensive long term care. Signs to look for that it might be time to discuss assistance options include:
• Long periods of isolation
• Safety concerns with falls and housework
• Confusion in taking medication
• Repeating phone calls & conversations
• Protection from strangers
• Weight loss/ hygiene
• Disorientation
• Loss of drivers license
• Depression

Getting the Help You Need
An assessment from a primary physician can help determine the level of care required for an individual. “Educating yourself to local community services when you see the first signs of parents becoming dependent will save emotional stress and physical exertion,” advises one social services case manager who helps families with placements. While each family’s specific needs might differ, the search for proper services that provide peace of mind is a common goal.

How you communicate with an elderly relative will facilitate finding reasonable options and prevent misunderstandings and anger. When discussing care issues, it’s important to treat parents or relatives with respect and honesty.

While some elders take growing older in their stride, others struggle with the reality they are losing their independence. It might appear they are reverting back into being children, but they are coping with feelings of becoming burdens on the family. As individuals who have had a lifetime of experiences and productivity, they are contending with the fact they must now be reliant on others.

Family Ties
While outside support services can help with the physical care support, they cannot replace the family. If a family member moves into in a retirement or assisted living community, continue to include them in family events and discussions on a regular basis. You can plan occasional activities or visits that all generations will enjoy such as picnics, parties, and dining out. If your elderly relative has poor vision or hearing, watching a movie or other performance might be difficult for him or her. However, taking the time to arrange a get together with old friends or taking a trip to one of his or her favorite places are great options and wonderful ways to eliminate depression.

Family counselor Dr. Robert Kessel, DW LCSW, works with elderly groups on managing depression. “Elders recall a time when family, friends and neighbors offered a full support system. They grew up in a farm family structure where all ages contributed to running the household,” says Dr. Kessel. Households are no longer structured to include an aging relative and offer care. “Second-marriage families, dual-career spouses and non-traditional households have limited ability to provide the resources for taking care of elders,” explains Dr. Kessel. And with today’s healthcare allowing people to live longer, the modern family structure appears out of synch. Many children have guilt about being able to take care of aging family members. This is a natural feeling.

Every family must deal with the transition into eldercare care in its own way. Achieving a balance with your own mental and physical health and spiritual needs are important to maintain while you take on new responsibilities in assisting your parents and relatives.

Judith Uthus is Community Relations Director for West Hills Retirement Center, an independent and minimal assistance living community in West Hills. She can be reached at info@westhillsretirementcenter.com to assist families with independent living options.